Night & Day - surviving between dusk and dawn

I'm not schizophrenic, I just bore easily.

I also grow unnaturally attached to certain looks and places, in SL as well as RL. In SL there used to be a sim called Inflict - the realm of skin and tattoo artist Lexington Jie. Most of his tattoo work is still available on xstreet, but his skins, and the remarkable sim that was either inspiration or brilliant consequence, is gone. It was post apocalyptic, but a quiet After the End, even though fires still burned, and the libraries and temples stood empty. It was soothingly beautiful in its desolation.

One of the last full-body tattoos he made was this one: "You Asked For Love". It's intricate and lovely, as haunting as his sim. I've bought it a couple of times for a couple of different av's and a couple times for friends. If I could lay it out on a piece of muslin, I'd hang it on my wall.

The underpainting of red is a scar tattoo, which I'd forgotten I had on until I took this picture. It seemed appropriate. I originally got the scar tattoos for an RP I was interested in that has largely been frustrating for my lack of time to play there. But even as I changed up my look from hard-bitten, battle-scarred, mercenary to pixie-cute blonde, I kept the the facial scar. The recent RFL relay kind of made it make sense to me. (Thank you, Noirran).

My cancer scars aren't visible -- not in the truest sense. I have physical scars but they aren't something you can see day to day as I go about my business. They don't bother me, those physical signs of damage done that only more damage could excise. The real scars aren't as visible to the naked eye, and the real scars aren't ones people who didn't know me before cancer ravaged me and my family, the new people I've met, would recognize as scars. I've spent the last few months coming to grips with the anger I have about it all.

I'm not, by nature, an angry person. It requires so much energy that I've never had much use for it. What anger I do have about anything is a slow constant burn, low key and nearly as invisible as my physical scars.

I came into SL shortly after my diagnosis. While I was recuperating actually. The cancer itself had so little impact on me physically when you weigh it out, but mentally, emotionally, I distanced myself from my body. I still am in some ways, although it's primarily in my virtual life rather than my real one. My real life pretty much demands I be present and accounted for when I'm there.

One of the reasons (although not the primary one) I spend most of my time on my primary Av is because by design, that Av is entirely unassociated with the cancer in my life. It's the undamaged part of me, the stornger me, the not angry me. I've been blessed in SL by people who may not get all the reasons why I split myself the way I do, but accept it as part of me, of who I am and how they know me, how they experience me. Would that my RL had such generous and accepting souls.

I've changed my look a good deal. You can blame Djinn & Tonic, Sable Rose, Sangre Noir, MADesigns, Oddment and Nomine. And Lexington Jie of Inflict. They are my muses.

But I'm keeping the facial scar.

Soundtrack: I was born in the arms of imaginary friends. Half of My Heart - John Mayer
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Hair: MADesigns: Army crop in Red, Bon in Blonde
Skin: Djinn & Tonic MUA Noirran
Hair: MADesigns Bon corvette
Eyes: Nomine Stained Contacts - anime green
Tatt: iNfLiCt - You Asked For Love
Scars: [ < ] kOwP [ > ] Face Tats - *Scarface 1* , BS - Battlescars
Top Left: L&G black studded leather bra and pants
Middle Left: Sangre Noir 22 & Fetish Dress (Remix)
Middle Right: Dress, Shoes, Jewelry: Irresistable UG 05
Bottom Left: Dress, Shoes, Jewelry: Irresistable Life - Peace II
Bottom Right: salt. wonderland- alice's dress, boots , Crochet Shrug, Hat: Hatpins -Lady Kate Hat - Olivina, Sable Rose - Boho Birdie Ladies necklace and earrings, *TickyTacky* Boho bracelets